NEWSLETTER
- VALENTINE'S DAY
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Table of Contents by Author
Heather Diodati
Susan Dunn
Michelle Gonzalez
Arlene Kaptur
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Kimberly Lainson
Nancy Twigg
Glenda M. Thomas
Michael Webb
T.W. Winslow
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Passing
Thoughts: Fear and Loathing on Valentine's Day
by T.W. Winslow
Valentine's Day is just around the corner
and for many of us men this is one holiday we could do without.
Not because we're against romance necessarily, we just aren't
very good at it. Of course there are exceptions to this rule,
but for most of us men Valentine's Day is like a car wreck -
something which we'd rather avoid. But like our annual tax bill,
Valentine's Day comes once a year whether we like it or not.
Don't get me wrong, if we men were more capable
in matters of the heart, I'm sure this would be a day we'd look
forward to. But sadly, this usually isn't the case. Think of
it this way; a man giving a Valentine's Day gift is much like
him trying to hammer a nail blindfolded. Occasionally he'll hit
the mark, but most often it will result in an unpleasant experience.
Each year we men struggle to come up with
what we believe to be the perfect Valentine's Day gift. And more
often than not, each year these offerings of love are met with
less than wild enthusiasm from our partners. How were we to know
such things as a new iron, blender, toaster, vacuum or dishwasher
were not the ideal Valentine's Day gift? Or giving such things
as a treadmill, aerobics video, or jogging outfit would not be
interpreted as our saying "I love you" but rather,
"Honey, your thighs look like cottage cheese." Maybe
the women in our lives, rather than getting irritated and upset
by our feeble attempts at romance, should simply take pity on
us.
Perhaps we men have some strange genetic defect
that hasn't yet been recognized by medical science. Or it might
be Cupid's fault. Perhaps when he shoots his arrows of love at
a couple he hits the woman's heart, but inflicts some sort of
massive head trauma to the male involved. There must be some
rational explanation for our lack of romantic flair. Why else
would we men think the only purpose for candles is emergency
lighting during power outages? That ambiance is some kind of
bottled water? Or that loves notes are what we leave for our
partners to let them know we are out of beer?
Men deserve sympathy, compassion, mercy and
understanding, for when it comes to the fine art of romance,
we men are sitting in our boxer shorts finger painting with our
toes. So this year when you receive oven-mitts adorned with little
red hearts or lingerie even a street walker wouldn't wear, don't
get mad at the man in your life, understand he did the best he
could... all things considered.
About The Author:
T.W. Winslow lives in the Pacific Northwest
- USA. He is a writer and co-creator of United in God http://www.unitedingod.org
10
Creative Ways to Give from the Heart, Not the Pocketbook
by Nancy Twigg
Meaningful gift giving doesn’t have to
be expensive. In fact, some of the most precious gifts are the
ones that cost very little, but mean a great deal because of
the time and effort the giver took in giving the gift. Below
you will find a list of gift ideas that are low-cost but high
value. Rather than a large chunk of change, these gift ideas
require you to invest your creativity and time with only a little
of your hard-earned cash.
* Make a scrapbook of the history of your
relationship with the recipient. Fill it with pictures, mementos
and memories from the past. Include your own heartfelt note thanking
the recipient for the value and warmth she adds to your life.
* Put your artistic abilities to work and
create a piece of art in honor of the recipient. Write a personalized
song, do a painting or sketch, or write a poem.
* Use your computer to make a family cookbook
with a variety of recipes contributed by different family members.
Or make a cookbook of all of your own special recipes to share
with the recipient.
* If you have artistic flair, purchase blank
note cards with envelopes. Decorate the cards with your own drawings
to make personalized note cards for your loved one.
* If you can knit or crochet, make the honoree
a new scarf, hat, afghan or pair of mittens. If you sew, create
a new apron, fleece throw or keepsake pillow.
* Make an “I Love You because...”
or “You’re Special because...” jar. On individual
slips of paper, write something you love and appreciate about
the honoree. Place the slips of paper in a decorative jar. You
can also make an “I Love You” book by writing each
thought on a different page of a blank journal.
* Use a desktop publishing program or your
calligraphy skills to create a wall-hanging featuring a inspirational
quote or Bible verse that is particularly meaningful. If you
are handy with a needle and embroidery floss, do the same thing
using your needlework skills. Display the finished product in
an inexpensive, yet attractive frame.
* For the chocolate lover on your list, fill
a gift basket with several varieties of homemade chocolate cookies,
candy, and brownies. If the recipient loves sweets but is concerned
about weight gain, use recipes for goodies that are low in fat
and calories.
* Make a keepsake video containing something
that would be special to the recipient: her children singing
songs, friends telling why they love her, or you recounting funny
stories of times you’ve shared together.
* Do a week or month’s worth of cooking
for the recipient. Fill her freezer with homemade meals that
she can easily heat and serve rather than having to cook.
Excerpt from Nancy’s book, Celebrate
Simply: Your Guide to Simpler, More Meaningful Holidays and Special
Occasions. Just in time for holiday gift giving -- Use this special
link to get free shipping: http://www.celebratesimply.com/offerNov2003.htm
Nancy Twigg may be contacted at http://www.countingthecost.com
nancy@countingthecost.com. Nancy Twigg is the editor of Counting
the Cost, a free email newsletter about simple and frugal living.
She is also the author of the new book, Celebrate Simply: Your
Guide to Simpler, More Meaningful Holidays and Special Occasions.
To learn more about living simply or celebrating simply, visit
Nancy online at www.countingthecost.com
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18
Great Ways to Celebrate Valentine's Day if You Aren't a "Couple"
by Susan Dunn
When we think of Valentine’s Day, we
tend to think of a man and a woman celebrating together. If you
aren’t paired at this time, here are 18 great ways to celebrate
Valentine’s Day YOUR way.
1. Celebrate with a child!
If you don’t have one, borrow one! Invite
your niece over for an afternoon of tea with tiaras and tutus,
making Valentines, and reading Valentine’s books. Got a
boy in your life? How about some slap-jack or Pente, video games
and a candle-lit dinner with fondue – to keep those hands
busy! Nice red catsup is good enough for the sauce!
2. Give a party at a children’s shelter.
The Volunteer Director is trained to help
you! Simple refreshments, favors, plan a game, tie-dye t-shirts,
crafts, play the piano and sing. It’s the thought and the
companionship that count. Games? Play musical chairs, tying big
red bows to the front of the chairs. Pin the Lips on Ms. Valentine
– draw “her” on posterboard – use moving
eyes, false eyelashes and pipe cleaners for hair. Put each kid’s
name on a pair of red lips cut out of construction paper with
tape on back. Blindfold them with Valentine scarf and proceed!
Valentine Bingo – make bingo cards with Valentine items
instead of numbers to call. Use February theme to increase number
of items – groundhogs, Presidents Lincoln and Washington,
candy, hearts, doves, lovers, Valentines, etc. Serve “Love
Potion” for the beverage.
3. Make it a special day for someone in a
retirement or nursing home.
Put on that bright red sweater and your Valentine
tie - $12 and it’s perfect, red with white hearts; or Taz
in love and red braces available here and head on over! One friend
of mine takes something he bakes called Terribly Naughty. I believe
it has pecans, peanut butter, chocolate morsels, marshmallows,
butterscotch pieces, pure butter, at least a pound of sugar,
and brandy in it. He's very popular!
4. Have friends over for a Valentine's Party.
Sing love songs, watch a video, make an outrageously
beautiful buffet spread. Have everyone bring a grab bag gift.
Have a poetry contest. Romantic songs list here.
5. Call up your son and daughter-in-law and
tell them you're coming for the weekend to take care of the kids
so they can go celebrate.
Bake Valentine’s cookies with the kids
and have a red dinner – red jello hearts, heart-shaped pasta
with tomato sauce or heart-shaped pizza, Hawaiian punch and cinnamon
hearts in hot cocoa. “Willie Wonka” video, everyone
gets in the big bed with Nana, snuggle-time, dogs included. Woo
hoo!
6. Celebrate with your animal companion.
There's no more reliable source of love in
our lives.
7. Bake some homemade dog biscuits.
Recipes here. Take your dog for a special
outing, and on the way, drop off your treats at the local animal
shelter.
8. Take your animal companion with you to
a nursing home or convalescent center.
Many facilities are making this opportunity
available for their guests. You can deck your dog, cat, ferret
or rabbit in a festive Valentine scarf for the occasion. Red
vest, tie, bows, boas! and click here for other festive wear
for your small furry friend.
9. Enjoy the day helping others.
A local place of worship might be building
a house for Habitat or going Valentine caroling at a housing
project. If not, why not? If not you, who?
10. Book a Valentine cruise on the Costa cruise
line and dance the nights away.
Be a gentleman host, or dance with one! Gentlemen
dance hosts "work" from 8 pm to 1 am every night, visiting
with and dancing with women cruise guests. Great vacation for
singles! Gentleman, don’t forget your red cummerbund and
bowtie. Wait til the last minute when the rates go down really
low.
11. Have friends over for a Valentine Day
Brunch.
Make pancakes and fried eggs shaped like hearts,
serve with strawberry syrup, fresh strawberries, some nice crisp
bacon, strawberry daiquiris and nice hot tea. Yum! Set a terminally
romantic buffet table and fill the DR ceiling with pink and/or
red helium balloons.
12. Check for special events in your town.
A special Valentine pops concert perhaps?
13. Get away for the weekend and see some
great art.
Bath House Center in Dallas, Texas has an
annual February exhibit called "El Corazon," "the
heart."
14. Organize something with your civic group.
If the New York Giants can do it, so can you.
Last year they visited patients in Children's Hospital of New
York-Presbyterian on Valentine's Day.
15. Call your favorite aunt or your bratty
little brother and head for “New York in Love.” The
Museum of the City of NY is featuring an exhibit of 19th Century
Valentines.
16. Try something zany. The Embassy Suites,
Richmond, Va. Offers the King’s Dominion Package –
2-room suite, breakfast, reception, indoor pool and Jacuzzi and
2 adult tickets to go ride that roller coaster! There’s
more than one way to ‘lose your heart’ on Valentine’s
Day.
17. The Winter-storm adventure! Ancient Cedars
Spa, Vancouver Island at the Wickannish Inn, situated on a rocky
promontory at the westernmost point of Chesterman Beach, at the
gateway to Pacific Rim National Park Reserve. Enjoy the spectacle
of 20’ waves pounding the coast from your room with ocean
view, deep soaker tub, and fireplace for optimum viewing. All
spa amenities, epicurean dining and “the storm-watching
experience”. Slickers provided. Bring along some friends,
your pet, and/or a good book!
18. Feed your heart! Curl up with a good book.
“A General Theory of Love,” of course, by Amini, Lewis
and Lannon.
Susan Dunn may be contacted at http://www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc.
Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, cEQc, The EQ Coach™
. Coaching resources, tools and support for your personal and
professional development. EQ Alive! - EQ Coach training and certification.
Susan is the author of numerous ebooks, including "How to
Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence," "Depression,"
and "EQ's Answer to Addiction: the 14th Step." She
is widely published on the Internet, a syndicated columnist for
WebProNews and Family-Content, and a regular speaker for cruise
lines. She offers home study programs through her distance learning
school.
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History
and Traditions of St. Valentine's Day
by Michelle Gonzalez
Part of the mystery of St. Valentine's Day
is the Saint himself. There are numerous legends about St. Valentine,
who is thought to have died, or been buried, as a martyr on February
14th, around 270 A.D.
Legend tells us that St. Valentine was a priest
who served in third century Rome. Roman Emperor Caludius II wanted
to maintain a great army, and decided that more men would be
willing to join, fight and die for Rome if they did not have
to worry about leaving wives and children behind - so he outlawed
marriage. Valentine defied the Emperor by performing marriages
in secret, thus bringing young couples in love together.
When his traitorous actions were discovered,
he was imprisoned, and eventually put to death. He was subsequently
declared a Saint by the Catholic church.
It is thought that while in prison, Valentine
began the tradition of sending "valentine's". According
to one legend, Valentine fell in love with a young woman, who
may have been the daughter of his jailer, who visited him during
his imprisonment. He wrote his new beloved a letter, which he
signed "From your Valentine", an expression commonly
used in Valentine's greeting today.
Another legend holds that he was so popular
with children, that they passed cards to him through the bars
of his cell, and continued to leave notes even after his death.
Pope Gelasius declared February 14th Saint
Valentine's Day around 498 A.D.
Valentine's Day Traditions-
Valentine's Day cards have been exchanged
in the United States since the early 1700's. The tradition of
exchanging heart shaped gifts symbolizes the giving of one's
whole heart and emotions to the one they love.
The red rose, a year round symbol of love,
is often given on Valentine's day. The International Cut Flower
Growers Association estimates that 100 million roses will be
sold for Valentine's Day this year, generally going for between
$60-$65 per dozen.
The phrase "wear your heart on your sleeve"
takes its origin from the Middle ages when young men and women
would draw names from a wooden bowl to discover the identity
of their valentine. They would were the name they chose on their
sleeve for a week.
It is common for many bird breeders to use
Valentine's Day as the beginning of the annual breeding season.
On February 14th, male and female birds are brought back together
after months of separation.
Valentine's Day is also celebrated in Mexico,
Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia and France.
So...
This year, instead of giving simply a box
of chocolates or dozen roses, why not write a poem to your love?
It will most definitely last longer, and is guaranteed to be
cherished...as long as you don't begin with "Roses are...".
Happy Valentine's Day!
Michelle Gonzalez may be contacted at http://www.inspiredparent.com
michelle@inspiredparent.com.
Michelle Gonzalez is the editor of both www.youthweekly.com
and www.inspiredparent.com.
A mother of three, she enjoys writing articles as well as poems
and stories in her spare time. Her passions around childrens
literacy and good parenting led her to create her two successful
ezines.
15 Valentine's
Day Ideas for Under $15
by Glenda M Thomas
HOUSTON, Jan. 29 /PRNewswire/ -- Every year advertisers attempt
to convince consumers that the only way to prove their love is
to spend an exorbitant amount of money on February 14th. Yet
most women would agree that real romance comes from the heart
and not the wallet. To that end, Money Management International
(MMI) offers 15 ways to say "I love you" that cost
less than $15.
1. Make your loved one a macaroni necklace
and present it in a jewelry box. Enclose a note that says, "When
I am with you, I feel like a kid again." Then head out together
to do something little kids do for fun -- roller skating, bike
riding, swinging as high as you can on the swing set, go to the
zoo, etc.
2. Head down to your local hardware store
and have a key made with your initials engraved in it; then present
the "key to your heart" to your loved one.
3. Make a list of 101 reasons you love him/her
and have it framed.
4. Collect/make a special photo album of your
most cherished times together with notes on each page as to why
that moment was important to you.
5. Have a mousepad made with a picture of
you and your loved one.
6. Create a scavenger hunt for your loved
one that requires him/her to stop at special places the two of
you have in common.
7. Leave a trail of post-it notes directing
your loved one throughout the house to find little treasure (chocolate
kisses, single flowers, etc.) with a short expression of love
on each one ("your kisses are as sweet" or "throughout
the years our love has blossomed and unfolded like the most delicate
flower") leading them to home cooked dinner.
8. Create a homemade coupon book for gifts
such as one free uninterrupted afternoon of golf/football or
one evening away from the kids. Free gift certificates can be
found at www.moneymanagement.org/gift .
9. Splurge on food at the grocery store instead
of a restaurant. Buy fresh lobster, or something that you would
not normally buy and cook it together. Have the dinner consist
of foods that are all either red or white.
10. Make a handmade card using pictures of
you and your significant other and find quotes about love online.
(www.toinspire.com )
11. Have just a glass of champagne or dessert
at a fancy restaurant or hotel.
12. Write a poem (or if you are grammatically
challenged, find an existing one) and print it out on nice paper.
You can then mail it to your loved one at work. Or, if you have
a frame with outdated pictures, you can use it to frame your
poem and wrap it as a gift.
13. Tour a free local art exhibit and then
have a picnic under the stars.
14. Purchase a box of children's valentines
and hide them all around the house starting a week before Valentine's
Day.
15. Learn to say "I love you" in
several languages.
Money Management International reminds
all consumers that they don't have to go into debt to prove their
love. "It is important to keep your head when shopping for
your heart," explains Rudy Cavazos, director of corporate
and media relations for MMI. "Periodic expenses are the
adversary of good financial planning. Valentine's Day is a perfect
example of an event that typically is not budgeted for."
Cavazos advises that consumers should use cash whenever possible.
If a credit card must be used for Valentine's Day expenses, don't
charge anything that cannot be paid off in three months or less.
About Money Management International
Money Management International (MMI) is
the nation's largest non-profit, full-service credit counseling
agency, providing confidential financial guidance, counseling
and debt management assistance to consumers for over 44 years.
MMI helps consumers trim their expenses, develop a spending plan
and repay debts. Counseling is available by appointment in branch
offices and 24/7 by telephone and Internet. Services are available
in English or Spanish. To learn more, call 800-762-2271 or visit
their website at www.moneymanagement.org .
Contact: Courtney Carter or Kim O'Quinn
Pierpont Communications 713-627-2223
Glenda M Thomas may be contacted at http://yours.at/sister2sister
sis2sis@earthlink.net. Glenda Thomas has been married for 28
years and is the mother of 3 young adult children, and grandmother
to one grandson (age 2). Glenda is the editor of Sister 2 Sister
Newsletter. She also is a dynamic public speaker.
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Alone
This Valentine's Day?
by Susan Dunn
Valentine's Day can range from annoying to
dreadful when you aren't paired, so let's put a new spin on this!
You probably feel sorry for yourself because
you're the Only One who's alone, but if you're alone you're NOT
alone. According to the American Association for Single people,
82 million men and women in the United States are unmarried.
If you define adults as those over 18, 44%
of US adults are single. By 2010, it should be 47.2%. That's
getting very close to half. What will we do then? Rename the
holiday? Abolish it? Or will those of us who are single rise
up and demand our OWN holiday? An UNValentine's Day??
Holidays DO disappear, you know. When I was
young, we celebrated May Day. Honestly, you bought Hallmark paper
basket kits, you assembled them, you filled them with fresh flowers
and placed them on your neighbors' doorsteps.
I am not making this up.
But I am digressing.
Back to my point. A LOT of us are single,
so you AREN'T alone if you're alone on Valentine 's Day. If that
doesn't make you feel better, try these things, which will be
just a little tongue in cheek, because I want to ramp you out
of your position of feeling sorry for yourself.
I've tried most of these, BTW, having been
single longer than some of you have been alive, and they work!
This is the old - if you can't change IT,
change your FEELINGS toward it.
FREUD!!!
How could we not mention F-R-E-U-D on the
national "romantic"holiday? Remember Freud's "defense
mechanisms"? A common misconception is that they're all
"bad," but actually we need our defense mechanisms.
They're helpful! We need our defense mechanisms to:
1. Minimize anxiety 2. Protect the ego 3.
Maintain repression a. It prevents discomfort b. It leads to
some economy of time and effort
I'm sure you're with me now that if you plan
to, um, GET THROUGH VALENTINE'S DAY AS A SINGLE, a defense mechanism
or 10 might come in handy.
So here we go.
DEFENSE, DEFINITION & APPLICATION
1. Affiliation: Dealing
with emotional conflict and stressors (hereinafter referred to
as "it") by turning to others for help or support.
Valentine Application (VA): This is a great defense! Call your
coach! Commiserate with friends. Talk to your sweet Mom.
2. Aim Inhibition:
Limiting ^instinctual demands^, accepting partial fulfillment.
VA: Invite a platonic boyfriend out for Valentine's Day and pretend
it's all you really wanted. Who needs mad, passionate sex when
you can talk about QuikBooks for three hours at Chili's, right?
3. Altruism: Deal
with it by meeting the needs of others. VA: Do as I've done.
Choose someone to shower with your affection - a grand-daughter
works! Go out and buy all the things you'd want yourself - perfume,
flowers, fluffy pink sweater, do it up big! Wrap 'em up, carry
them over there, take her out and wine and dine her and savor!
Feels great!
4. Anticipation:
Deal with it by experiencing emotional reactions in advance of
possible future events and considering realistic alternative
responses or solutions. VA: Well, that's what we're doing here.
We're circumventing a lousy Valentine's Day, and making our plans
otherwise. How cool is that?
5. Avoidance: Deal
with it by refusal to encounter situations because they represent
"unconscious sexual or aggressive impulses". VA: Well,
that would be Valentine's Day. You could cancel your own personal
one.
6. Compensation: Encountering
failure in one sphere of activity (like love life?), you over-emphasize
another. VA: Let's do a clean-the-house marathon, or workout
for 5 hours after work Friday.
7. Self-assertion: Expressing
feelings and thoughts directly, non-manipulatively. VA: Go for
it! Ask that cute new HR director out.
8. Sublimation: Attenuating
the force of an "nstinctual drive" by using the energy
in other, constructive activities. VA: So, we work late Valentine's
Day, finishing up a primo project, or go home and write poetry
or paint. Good idea?
9. Intellectualization: Deal with it by excessive use of abstract thinking
or making generalizations to minimize disturbing feelings. VA:
We could talk about how nearly half the other adults in the US
are also single, and it ain't so bad. Anyway it's not bothering
ME. How about that?
LET'S AVOID THESE ONES:
1. Conversion: Turn
it into a physical symptom "involving portions of the body
innervated by sensory or motor nerves." VA: No getting of
paralyzed arms because you'd really like to sock your ex.
2. Deflection: Redirecting
attention to someone else. VA: Don't need to talk about "Loser-boy
Tom." We can deal with our own stuff!
3. Identification: Unconscious
modeling of one's self upon another person. VA: Sandra's got
a great husband and she's going to Quebec for Valentine's weekend,
but that doesn't mean we have to dress and talk like her all
week without "being aware of it"
4. Displacement: Change
in the object by which the "nstinctual drive" is to
be satisfied. VA: Having been abandoned by your boyfriend, resist
all urges to vent your anger on your room-mate! Keep your people
and your emotions straight, ok? (EQ course available.)
5. Help-Rejecting Complaining: Requesting help and then rejecting it. VA: (I think
that's whining, and playing the victim, don't you?)
6. Acting Out: Dealing
with it by actions rather than reflections of feelings. VA: Don't
get crabby and kick the dog, or go out and get drunk.
7. Projection: Attributing
one's thoughts or impulses to another person. VA: No, your mother
isn't mad at YOU, YOU'RE mad at your GIRLFRIEND. Keeping people
and feelings straight again.
8. Regression: Suffering
the loss of some of the development already attained and reverting
to lower level of adaptation and expression. VA: None of that!
9. Autistic Fantasy: Deal
with it by excessive daydreaming as a substitute for human relationships,
more effective action, or problem solving. VA: This is why we
all hate Freud!!
Defense mechanism definitions from: http://www.coldbacon.com
P.S. Work in an office? Send yourSELF flowers.
Like half those other girls aren't doing that?
Susan Dunn may be contacted at http://www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc.
Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, cEQc, The EQ Coach™
. Coaching resources, tools and support for your personal and
professional development. EQ Alive! - EQ Coach training and certification.
Susan is the author of numerous ebooks, including "How to
Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence," "Depression,"
and "EQ's Answer to Addiction: the 14th Step." She
is widely published on the Internet, a syndicated columnist for
WebProNews and Family-Content, and a regular speaker for cruise
lines. She offers home study programs through her distance learning
school.
Matters
of Hearts
by Arleen Kaptur
As soon as February rolls around, everyone
is thinking "hearts." Hearts are the universal symbol
for love, affection, and caring. There are heart-shaped candy
boxes, cookies, flower arrangements, gift boxes, and charms.
Children send Valentine's day cards to classmates and friends
and adults show their feelings with notes, gifts, and special
events. Mealtime can also be an opportunity to use hearts in
our table decor. Heart-shaped ice cubes add just that touch of
romance to wine or champagne. Use enough cassis for color to
insure firm cubes. Using your favorite heart-shaped cookie cutters,
place "hearts" of cheese, such as mozzarella, cheddar,
or pepperjack on appetizer platters, or to accent a meat dish,
vegetables, or whatever you choose. For a Valentine dipping bowl,
cut a heart shape around a squash stem and remove the contents.
Fill with your favorite dip and surround with your choice of
dippers. Heart-shaped cutters can be used to make sandwiches,
cookies, bread slices, and cucumber slices. Heart-shaped pancakes,
and heart-shaped cut outs on the crust of your favorite fruit
pies add delight when that special day rolls around.
If you don't have heart-shaped pans, fill
paper or foil lined muffin cups half full of batter. Tuck a 1/2"
foil ball or marble between the liner and the cup to form a heart
shape. Bake your cupcakes as usual. When mealtime rolls around
set your table with red, pink, and white table covers, and napkins.
Tie red/white, or red/pink yarn around silverware held in colorful
napkins. Place a candy kiss or heart-saying candy on each plate
or pass a bowl around and let everyone pick a candy note. In
paper-bag lunches, slip in a message, or a special treat. Visit
a special person and make them feel loved and cared for.
However you celebrate Valentine's Day, don't
let the feeling pass with the day. Carry a pocket-full of "hearts"
and share them with everyone. ENJOY!
©Arleen M. Kaptur 2003 January
Arleen Kaptur may be contacted at http://www.arleenssite.com
akaptur@centurytel.net. Author of books and articles on living
a simple, rustic lifestyle - and getting the most from each and
every day.
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Excerpt
from "How to Choose the Perfect Gift for the Woman You Love"
by Susan Dunn
“Excerpt from the new eBook Released
Just in the 'Nick' of Time: How to Choose the Perfect Gift for
the Woman You Love’,”
The flareup was immediate. "I'm writing a book called 'How
to Choose the Perfect Gift for the Woman You Love,' I told my
friend Sam, and he replied immediately, "If any woman doesn’t
like what I get her then…” and his voice trailed off
in… what was it? Anger? No I think it was more eternal frustration.
I could tell he’d been bloodied, and he was, in fact, married
to his second wife.
Now I've been single many years, so I've spent
many Christmases in the homes of others, married couples included,
and I've seen a lot of the same old thing -- waring blenders
and vacuum cleaners bringing tears, stonewalling, or profanity.
NO WOMAN WANTS AN APPLIANCE.
Uh uh, it's not that easy. My ex mother-in-law
preferred potted plants over fresh flowers ("too wasteful")
and asked for, received, and was thrilled with various things
made of steel and wire that whizzed, banged and whirred.
Your goal, you see, is to understand not “women,”
but YOUR womAn. Maybe that’s a relief, maybe it isn’t.
Now I'll share a secret with you. I was having
a chat with a friend of mine the other day who said, "I
just don’t understand men." She was in a relationship
I couldn’t comprehend, and about to do something career-wise
that made even less sense. In point of fact, I did not "understand
women." At least I didn't understand the one drinking coffee
with me.
So how do you get to "understand"
that one special lady?
Rule No. 1: You PAY ATTENTION.
"Okay," you're probably saying.
"That's easy enough."
No, it is not. This is what I mean when I
say PAY ATTENTION. You listen to her like you would if your lawyer
were telling you you were being sued for $1,000,000.
You focus like you would if your teenage son
were telling you his new Hummer was now at the bottom of Lake
Michigan.
You watch her like you watch the quarterback
sneak when you’ve bet $500 on the Cowboys, it’s the
last quarter and they’re down 13-6.
You hang on her every word as you do when
your CFO is telling you you’re not going to make the quarterly
projection again.
You tune in like you would when the Chairman
of the Board asked you to explain the last point.
That's what I mean when I say "pay attention
and listen to her."
Now that concept’s clear, in the next
chapter we’ll address just exactly what it is you’re
watching and listening for, and it isn’t the way her long
blond hair swings from side-to-side as she walks through the
room, or the way her silk nightie drops beneath her knees.
What we'll be aiming for is this. When she
says, "That dog's going to have to go. It won't do what
I say," you stop and think before you speak. You use your
Emotional Intelligence because, after reading the next chapter
you're going to be getting the cues that this is a very important
conversation you're about to enter into that has little to do
with the dog, other than the fact that you may be sleeping with
him that night, not her.
Carry on until next time!
Susan Dunn may be contacted at http://www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc. Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, cEQc,
The EQ Coach™ . Coaching resources, tools and support for
your personal and professional development. EQ Alive! - EQ Coach
training and certification. Susan is the author of numerous ebooks,
including "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence,"
"Depression," and "EQ's Answer to Addiction: the
14th Step." She is widely published on the Internet, a syndicated
columnist for WebProNews and Family-Content, and a regular speaker
for cruise lines. She offers home study programs through her
distance learning school.
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Extend Your Love this Valentine's Day : Gifts
for Your Animal Companion
by Susan Dunn
Valentine's Day is the day we celebrate love,
and who gives you the most consistent unconditional love in your
life? This Valentine's Day, extend the love.
THE HEART BOND
There's an Indian myth. When the world was
created and all the people and animals were present, suddenly
there was an earthquake. It started to rend the world in half,
splitting the people from the animals. Just before the split
became too great to navigate, the dog jumped over to be with
man.
We feel intuitively that we have a special
bond with dogs, cats and other mammals. There's a scientific
basis for this as well, and it's called a "limbic connection."
Read more about this in "A General Theory of Love"
by Amini et al.
HOW THIS WORKS
Our brain is really three brains: the reptilian
brain, the limbic brain, and the neocortex. Automatic instinctive
processes are controlled by the reptilian brain, also known as
the brain stem, such as breathing, and heart beat. We think,
as only human's can, with our neocortex.
The limbic brain is the seat of our emotions
and we share this with mammals. We share a limbic connection
with them - we send emotional signals back and forth. We need
this connection to thrive.
Our intuition that life is better with a dog
or cat, ferret or rabbit in the house is backed by scientific
study after scientific study. People heal more quickly from heart
attacks if there is a dog in the home, moreso than if there's
another human in the home. Being with a pet lowers our blood
pressure, and pets are egalitarian: The mere presence of a dog
will lower the blood pressure of an ailing senior, a healthy
college student, or a child reading a book alone in a room.
THE HEALING CONNECTION
We're recognizing this bond and its mutual
healing power through the growing fields of Animal-assisted Therapy,
and Animal Communicators.
The Pacific Animal Therapy Society offers
an active animal therapy program, bringing pets to hospitals,
retirement homes and other facilities where residents benefit
from interaction with animal companions.
Dog-Play.com also offers animal assisted therapy.
An animal visit offers entertainment, distraction from pains
and infirmity, and comfort.
"People often talk to dogs, and share
with them their thoughts and feelings and memories," they
say. A visiting animal companion provides something to look forward
to, and makes conversation easier between two strangers, giving
a common interest and a focus for conversation.
The Pet Therapy Society of Northern Alberta
offers the "PAWS in the Classroom" program, an animal-facilitated
learning experience for special junior high students, where students
learn about human and animal relationships, including intra and
inter-species attachments and bonding, the benefits and responsibilities
of involvement with pets, and behavior development principals.
THE HEART-TO-HEART CONNECTION: ANIMAL COMMUNICATORS
Mammals are equipped to communicate with us,
though the means are non-verbal. How does this work?
We communicate with each other all the time
by intuitive and nonverbal means. We sense how someone else is
feeling, or 'know' our boss is sick, or detect a sad tone beneath
the cheerful words of our spouse, or get a chill down our spine
when someone enters the room. Extending this more intentionally
to our animal companions can be joyful and healing for all concerned,
and this is what Animal Communicators do. This growing field
helps pet owners make a stronger connection with their animal
companions.
Valentine's day is a celebration of love,
and who gives us the most steady and unconditional love in our
lives?
Here are some suggestions if you want to celebrate
your love for your animal companion. Great ideas to give to the
animal-lovers on your list, too. Remember the old saying, "Love
me love my dog"?
GIFT SUGGESTIONS FOR VALENTINE'S DAY
1. Gift your special someone with a deeper
connection with their beloved animal companion. Animal communicators
such as Georgina Cyr, and Jacquelin Smith, offer consultations
in pet communication and healing.
2. How about a great heart-shaped dog or cat
bed?
3. This gifts packs a double wollop - a Valentine
toile and chenille dog bed by Companion Road. A portion from
the sale of all Companion Road items is donated to charities
to assist local animal shelters.
4. How about a sharp red doggy or ferret t-shirt
with Xs and Os all over it?
5. PetCo offers a whole Valentine's store
for pets - heart-shaped catnip, bone buddies and more!
6. Give them a gift membership to the Divine
Prayer Line for Animals.
7. All Natural Dogs offers vitamins, supplements,
holistic products, homeopathic remedies, and natural food for
dogs.
8. Need something for a ferret or rabbit?
9. Try the high-flying Crackler Moth for the
cat-lover, from Blue Pet Co., UK.
10. Get a carrier pet-pocket for their small
cat, dog, ferret or rabbit here.
11. Love Bites! Heart-shaped doggy biscuits.
12. Valentine's scarves for for dogs or cats.
13. Bake some homemade dog biscuits.
14. Canine Sweet Hearts(tm) available here
- red-colored, heart-shaped corn and wheat-free vanilla or Carob
flavored treats.
15. Make a donation to the Humane Society
in the name of your loved-one or their animal companion or yours.
This Valentine's Day, extend your concept
of love! We need to give, receive and express all the love we
can.
Susan Dunn may be contacted at http://www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc.
Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, cEQc, The EQ Coach™
. Coaching resources, tools and support for your personal and
professional development. EQ Alive! - EQ Coach training and certification.
Susan is the author of numerous ebooks, including "How to
Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence," "Depression,"
and "EQ's Answer to Addiction: the 14th Step." She
is widely published on the Internet, a syndicated columnist for
WebProNews and Family-Content, and a regular speaker for cruise
lines. She offers home study programs through her distance learning
school.
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Unique
Ideas to Celebrate Valentines Day this Year
by Heather Diodati
Want to celebrate Valentine's Day in a different
way? We've collected a bunch of unique ideas - special ways to
show how much you care about your spouse, family members and
friends you cherish.
Heart-Felt Valentine's Meal
Make up a batch of heart-shaped pancakes for
a yummy Valentine's breakfast or brunch. Just pour the batter
in the frying pan in a free-form heart shape and serve with strawberries
and whipped cream.
Balloon Goodies
Insert candy surprises into balloons before
inflating them - add a folded-up Valentine's message then inflate
each balloon. Tie with a red ribbon and attach to your loved
one's chair for them to find Valentine's morning.
Family Affair
Have the children help you prepare red Jello
with cinnamon hearts mixed in, mashed potatoes colored with pink
food coloring, heart- shaped cookies and any other creative ways
to present your Valentine's Day meal.
The Gift of Time
Give a hand-made coupon for some work you
can do to free-up some time for your spouse or parent. For example,
a coupon good for cleaning Dad's garage or for a full-house vacuuming
for your wife. How about a coupon for your best friend - you
can walk her dog or baby sit one evening.
Coupon Day
Each of you can create individual notes, say
4 or 6 each, to describe a special surprise - a back rub, a bubble
bath, kisses from head to toe, a special meal - fold up the notes
and toss them into a jar. You can take turns having fun plucking
a coupon from the jar and doing what it says.
Scavenger Hunt
You can prepare this one for your spouse or
for your children to enjoy. Write up little notes about how you
feel and what they mean to you and place them around the house
along with a candy heart or other treat. Add a riddle at the
end of each note about where to find the next note. At the last
note, have something special waiting there. For example, you
can be waiting for your hubby in a candle-lit bubble bath with
two glasses of wine. For your children, then can find a teddy
bear or other toy or treat.
Less Fortunate
Visit a hospital or chronic care home to pass
out small Valentine surprises to the residents. They will enjoy
the care and attention from something so unexpected.
Alone?
No one special to share Valentine's Day with?
Sure you have! You! Why not pamper yourself with a candlelit
bubble bath, then prepare your favorite gourmet meal and rent
the latest comedy video. Or treat yourself to a day at the spa,
or a day at the gym with a step or aerobics class. Plan for Valentine's
Day at least a week in advance - you'll find yourself looking
forward to your special treats and your quality time with yourself,
by choice.
Picnic Fun
Place a blanket on the floor near the lit
fireplace with candles on the mantle and have your Valentine's
meal as a candle-lit picnic with a bottle of your favorite bubbly.
Italian Romance
Some soft Italian love songs on the CD player,
a luscious Fettucini Alfredo with a bottle of your favorite Italian
vino, then some fresh canoli from the pastry shop and cups of
amaretto- flavored coffee for a taste sensation - top it off
with a sensuous scented bubble bath for two
A Cereal Surprise
Sneak in love notes and chocolate kisses in
your sweetheart's or children's cereal
Notables
Little notes in their lunch boxes, on the
bathroom mirror, in his briefcase, stuck on the car windshields,
in his underwear drawer
I'm fortunate to have you!
Mix up a batch of fortune cookies (see http://www.whimsies-online.com/valentine.htm
for recipe!) and add your own little words of love
Messy but Marvelous
Make sure you wear old clothes for this one
and plan this escapade where cleanup will be easy (no carpets,
please!) Make up a batch of chocolate pudding. Feed each other
and wind up having a food fight! Ideally, this is more fun in
your birthday suits, then the pudding won't go to waste where
it lands! Guaranteed for loads of giggles between the two of
you - take a shower-for-two after this one and wash each other's
chocolate-flavored hair!
Take a Letter
Take turns writing a love letter or love poem
to each other. Read them out loud
Valentine Sharing
Plan some community work - help out at the
local shelter, volunteer at your local church, work with other
volunteers to spread some caring amongst your community.
All in the Family
Spend some quality fun time with your niece
or nephew or other child in your family.
Long-Distance Caring
Call your favorite aunt whom you haven't seen
since she moved far away, or your best friend who transferred
to another country - let them know you're thinking of them this
Valentine's Day
Just For You
Have you wanted that delicate pair of earrings
for awhile but kept putting off the purchase? Give yourself a
special Valentine's Day gift
Poetry In Motion
Write him or her a poem - can't write? Try
out the poem generator on http://www.whimsies-online.com/valentine.htm
for fun! Print out your creation and place it on your loved-one's
night table for when they awake!
Heather Diodati may be contacted at http://www.whimsies-online.com
info@whimsies-online.com. Heather Diodati, owner of DDesign,
is the creator/distributor of the Pet Computer Virus, a novelty
designed for the computer user;cas well as other unique computer
novelties; and Whimsies! Personalized Cartoon Designs for all
occasions. Sign up for our free ezine, On A Whim, for your free
Memory Jogger System; and if you looooove ballroom dancing be
sure to subscribe to Dancing On Air ezine, for your free gift,
The Dancer's Notebook! http://www.whimsies-online.com
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Helping the Family with a Deployed Member During
the Holidays
by Susan Dunn
If you know a family with one of the partners
deployed, you're probably wondering what you can do for them
during the holidays, and perhaps eager to include them in your
celebration.
Let's use for example if the husband is in Iraq. Most military
wifes have been prepared for "something like this"
-- it goes with the territory. Chances are they're very self-sufficient,
know how to cope, and have good support. But if you'd like to
include them during the holidays, here are some suggestions.
Offer to watch the kids for a day, or half-day,
so the wife can have some time to do some holiday shopping for
the kids. A lot of babysitter hours get logged, which is also
expensive.
Remember the serviceperson! They appreciate
getting mail (generally takes up to two weeks) and gift boxes.
Send fun things and "toys," baked goods, something
'of the season,' something you'd like to receive if far from
home. CDs are also a good idea, and the hometown newspaper.
These days most servicepeople can keep in
touch with family by email, so when the family arrives at your
home, you can ask the children, "What do you hear from your
Dad?" or "Has your Dad told you what it's like?"
or "Has you Dad sent you anything?"
Digital photos are possible now, and the children
may want to tell you about that. Ask them to print some photos
out and bring them when they come! Most of the time they're very
aware of what their dad is doing.
Experienced friends know not to ask, "Do
you know when he's coming home yet?" If it were known, they'd
be shouting it from the rooftop!
And, as a long-time holiday guest in the homes
of others (joint custody), there are two things that are especially
neat.
One is to be given a little packet of leftovers
to take home. It's so nice to be able to have a turkey sandwich
that night, or even a whole little meal -- the one thing you
miss when you don't do the meal yourself!
And the other is when someone asks me over
because they want me, not because they think I need the invitation!
Susan Dunn may be contacted at http://www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc.
Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, cEQc, The EQ Coach™
. Coaching resources, tools and support for your personal and
professional development. EQ Alive! - EQ Coach training and certification.
Susan is the author of numerous ebooks, including "How to
Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence," "Depression,"
and "EQ's Answer to Addiction: the 14th Step." She
is widely published on the Internet, a syndicated columnist for
WebProNews and Family-Content, and a regular speaker for cruise
lines. She offers home study programs through her distance learning
school.
How
to Have an Emotionally Intelligent Valentine's Day
by Susan Dunn
Every time Valentine’s Day comes along,
I think of the day before Valentine’s Day a couple of years
when, as I was leaving the card and gift shop where I’d
selected some Valentines, while cursing the materialism dictated
to us by Madison Avenue that demanded the expression of feelings
with store-bought cards and boxes of candy, mourned the fact
that I had no “honey” at the time, thought of the cards
I should and should not have received on past Valentine’s
Days, and worried if I was spending too much or too little ......
the shop owner called out, “Be careful driving, Susan. There
are a lot of angry lovers out there on the road today.”
It’s coming again, Valentine's Day, and
with it a lot of emotions. It’s also a day you can organize,
if you sit down and think about it, using both your IQ and your
EQ.
INTENTIONALITY
How do you intend your Valentine’s Day
to be? Intentionality means saying what you mean and meaning
what you say, and it also means being responsible and accountable
for your motives as well as your actions.
If your intention is to express your love
to someone in a meaningful way, this might include thinking about
what means love to them. It could be a toaster oven would be
greatly appreciated, a poem you’ve written, a kiss on the
cheek, an addition to their collection, a power tool, something
very gushy or not very gushy, a night of dancing, or not spending
any money because you’re both over budget.
At the same time, how to you intend to manage
your emotions?
If you take an honest look at the situation,
here are some intentions you might have:
- Do you plan to be upset over what happens?
- If you’re single, do you intend to “let
it get to you?”
- Do you intend to be disappointed in what
your lover gives you, as nothing is good enough?
- Do you intend to keep your expectations in
line with reality-testing?
- Do you intend to express your needs, as no
one can read your mind, no matter how much they love you?
- Do you intend to spend more than you can
afford to and then feel guilty?
- Do you intend to compare yourself, or the
gift you receive to others’?
- Do you intend to agree to choose your boss’
gift for his wife even though this causes negative emotions for
you?
- Do you intend to let someone else “do”
Valentine’s for you, or do you plan to be personally involved
in your gift choices?
- Do you intend to be a perfectionist and feel
that whatever you buy is wrong, and whatever you do isn’t
right?
You could intend to love yourself and enjoy
your day!
Intentionality is tough stuff and it means
business.
ACCOUNTABILITY
On the more pragmatic level, there are things
that need doing. If you intend to observe the day by remembering
various people:
· Write out your budget · Make
a list of people you wish to remember · Start writing
down ideas for each person · Remember there’s a whole
slew of merchants out there willing to make this easy for you
– use the Internet and the telephone · Start early
to avoid pressure · Plan ahead how you will resist all
the last-minutes “specials” coming your way that you
know you can’t afford
Valentine’s Day falls on a Friday this
year. That’s something you need to know. This means you
can send last-minute floral arrangements, and it means that restaurants
are going to be absolutely packed on that night, and that babysitters
may be hard to come by. Plan accordingly!
Planning is the key to experiencing the joy
of Valentine’s Day. It’s your day and you can have
it your way!
Susan Dunn may be contacted at http://www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc.
Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, cEQc, The EQ Coach™
. Coaching resources, tools and support for your personal and
professional development. EQ Alive! - EQ Coach training and certification.
Susan is the author of numerous ebooks, including "How to
Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence," "Depression,"
and "EQ's Answer to Addiction: the 14th Step." She
is widely published on the Internet, a syndicated columnist for
WebProNews and Family-Content, and a regular speaker for cruise
lines. She offers home study programs through her distance learning
school.
|
How to Plan a Valentine's Party
by Susan Dunn
First decision: date and time. Your best shot
for getting lots of guests is to pick a not-prime time. Try something
the Saturday before Valentine’s Day, for instance, or Sunday,
the day after. Also an off-time, such as brunch of lunch instead
of cocktail or evening party. Check to make sure “key players”
can come. Also a time when you’ll have the week before to
do the work.
Guest List
Write down whom you want to invite and take
a count. This determines everything from cost to venue to refreshments.
Where will you have it?
Your home? A romantic outdoor patio restaurant?
A restaurant with a fireplace and strolling violinist? The rec
room at your apartment complex? If you’re going to rent,
call ahead and find out how many people they can accommodate,
if the place is available that day, how much it will cost, what’s
included in the rental fee, and what other services are available.
If you’re renting a place, go there and talk to the catering
decorator, walk around and take a tour. Questions will occur
to you that might not otherwise:
Can you bring your own food and drinks?
What about decorating?
Are there separate fees for room rental, security, maintenance,
waiters, insurance, etc.?
How’s the parking and public transportation. This can make
a big difference in your guests desire to come, for instance
on a rainy night.
What’s the theme? Well, Valentine’s, but romantic?
Light-hearted? Formal? Casual? Choose your theme and then plan
your tablecloths, tableware and dishes, glasses, decorations,
invitations, party favors, music.
Schedule of Party “Events”
Plan a time for mingling, with drinks and
hors d’oeuvres before a dinner – that’s how people
“warm up”
If you’re having honorary speeches or
some such (20 minutes is plenty of time to allot for this), allow
time afterwards, because the conversation will be primed
Provide music for background according to
the tone of your event – rock band, romantic piano, harp,
etc.
Now coordinate what you’ve decided on
so far Make sure time, place, theme, and cost all gel. Here are
some adjustments you can make
Hard liquor, mixed drinks are expensive. If
you’re having lots of people, switch to beer and wine, or
make an alcoholic punch.
To cut costs, try something thematic like
a bottle of Valentine wine, that is, from the Valentine Vineyards,
in Southern Mendocino County. The labels on the wine are cool
for a Valentine’s Party!
You can buy party trays at Sam’s or at
Local Fancy Catering Boutique or you make them. Making them is
probably going to cost more than Sam’s, but it has it’s
virtues, Caterers can be very pricey, but then there’s no
work for you to do.
Ordering a beautifully decorated cake is a
good way to handle dessert for a crowd. It brings everyone around,
is festive, and easy to manage.
Music can be live (more expensive) or your
radio or CDs (no cost).
Will you want a maid? The day before to clean?
The day of the party to help serve and clean up? Or both? (Be
sure and check out her uniform. You could provide a cute Valentine’s
apron for her.)
Need a bartender? Also check on his uniform.
You don’t want any surprises.
Arrange for photography – stills, candids,
videos, a professional photographer?
Decorations – floral arrangements are
probably the most expensive, but they can sure dress up a table.
You can go to a party store and look around
according to your theme, if you’re going with paper goods.
If you have your own china, crystal, etc.
start planning how to get it clean and shining and ready to go.
If you want to purchase permanent tableware,
visit a store like Tuesday Morning and see what they have. (Tip:
Shop right after Valentine’s this year and see what they
put on sale! Then you’ll be ready for next year.)
Elegant doesn’t have to be more expensive
People instinctively cut back when the goods are pricey, i.e.,
f you serve Beluga Prime from Caviarteria in New York (price
$750/lb.), your guests won’t be expecting to make a meal
of it, and who can eat more than a dab of caviar anyway? If you’re
providing Krug Clos du Menil from Sherry-Lehmann in New York
($1,400 a case), no one’s going to be chugalugging it. Tell
them it’s Kobe beef (up to $500/lb.) and they’ll be
too horrified to ask for seconds. Make Julia’s Child classic
chocolate cake, all of 1” high, and one small sliver suffices
even the piggiest eater. It’s richer even than a Starbuck’s
brownie. These things titillate your senses other than raw hunger
and so are very satisfying in another sort of way. Have a classic
piano in the background, and people naturally move into refined
slow-motion.
However, if you’ve got bins of queso
dip and tortilla chips, everyone will have that belly-up-to-the-car
approach to the buffet table. If JC and the Sunshine Bang are
cranking it out, well all impulses are on “go” and
all inhibitions are on "low".
Brunches are quite economical! Call those
pancakes crepes – no, really, it’s a separate recipe
and divine, but nonetheless basically flour and water. Serve
a light fruit punch or Bloody Mary’s, some bacon and sausage,
a light salad - green or fruit … won’t cost much at
all. I recommend Julia Child’s crepe recipe, and definitely
the flaming orange crepes. They nearly put your tongue to sleep,
and again, these things are so “rich,” no one wants
more than a taste. A little trick thrifty hostesses learn!
Entertainment Live entertainment adds a really
special note to a home party. Local talent is probably available
that isn’t expensive. Check with universities, colleges,
high schools, and churches – the choral directors, the music
or dance department. Check the yellow pages. There may be several
children’s dance groups, and they are always charming, because
children can do no wrong, entertainment wise. Check the ballet
and tap schools and see if you have a boys’ choir.
Make decisions and book it. Also get a babysitter
for the kids – or send them all over to your sister’s
with a sitter over there. Book your hair and nails. Send out
the invitations. (Want to do something cute online? Try here:
www.evite.com .) Put all your “details” in a notebook.
Add notes afterwards with tips for your next party. That's how
we learn!
Start cleaning, cooking ahead and freezing,
getting glasses out, and cleaning the farther corners of the
house.
The little touches These you tinker with as
time and money allow. It's for fun. Look on the Internet for
things like Valentine’s candles and Valentine’s soaps
for your guest room, a Valentine’s wreath for your door,
maybe a heart-shaped doormat. These are little touches you CAN
add, not things you MUST have.
If it’s in your home, always have something
hot to serve that’s in the oven as the guests arrive and
smells divine.
Tip: Always use candlelight if you can. It
hides a multitude of “sins,” i.e., dust bunnies and
carpet stains, and sets a gentle ambience. Even the most white-glovey
diva is disarmed in soft lighting.
If you want a good turnout, do your PR work.
Talk up the party with friends as you see them, or give them
a call to see if they got their invitation. Drop a hint about
the Clos du Menil, or the Big Band. Tell them you've got a group
sitter for the kids. Ask them for suggestions. Get them involved
and committed.
That should get you started.
P.S. This is the year you're going to be good
to yourself. Wouldn't that dog be happier in the kennel overnight?
Susan Dunn may be contacted at http://www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc. Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, cEQc,
The EQ Coach™ . Coaching resources, tools and support for
your personal and professional development. EQ Alive! - EQ Coach
training and certification. Susan is the author of numerous ebooks,
including "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence,"
"Depression," and "EQ's Answer to Addiction: the
14th Step." She is widely published on the Internet, a syndicated
columnist for WebProNews and Family-Content, and a regular speaker
for cruise lines. She offers home study programs through her
distance learning school.
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Taking Care of Your Heart
by Arleen Kaptur
On Valentine's Day, we are proud to wear our
hearts on our sleeves, on notebooks, gifts, and anywhere we want
to add a touch of how we feel. Love is the word for the day and
even children join in the fun with heart-shaped cards, candies
with catchy phrases and boxes (heart-shaped, of course) that
hold chocolates to give to mom, dad, grandparents, and everyone
they love and care for.
Valentine's Day is a wonderful opportunity
to show our feelings, our hopes for the future, and our fond
memories of the past. It should also be a day that we show our
love for who we are, where we came from, and where we intend
to go. Wait a minute - loving yourself can go to extremes. We
can lavish great luxuries on ourselves, much to the boredom of
friends and those close to us, or we can feel guilty about caring
about ourselves. There is a happy medium - a point that we can
touch on that will let our heart know we care about the person
it is beating for, and let our family and friends know that if
we care about ourselves, we are well equipped to care about them.
How do you show that you care about yourself
without become pompous and have an attitude? Well, reaching out
to others expands the circle of people you know, bending a little
to help others gives our rigid standards a bit of elasticity
so we can appreciate the feelings of others, and stooping to
help those who are down for the count actually makes us taller
and our own outlooks brighter. Opening our hearts to those around
us just gives strength to that "ole ticker" and letting
even a stranger know that there is room in this world for each
and every one of them, gives your space a bit more dimension.
You see, whatever you do to and for others will rebound. This,
however, is not a health hazard. It will make your life better,
your hopes richer, and, not to mention, like the Grinch Who Stole
Christmas, that size 5 heart will stretch and expand to size
10, 20, and really there is no boundary. This, however, is not
a health hazard. Your heart will be healthier, stronger, bigger,
lighter, and capable of loving more with each endeavor. The more
you give of it, the more you get back. If you were in the business
of finance, that is a solid ground to build a future on.
Whatever you do this Valentines Day, or the
day before or the hundreds of days after, be good to your heart,
and reap the rewards of loving and living in a world where there
is room for everyone, and we can each have our own "space."
The fountain of love never goes dry, and the mine of diamonds
and gold never runs out of precious metals, and even outer space
is not the limit to what people can do once they get started.
Love yourself enough to love others and ENJOY!
©Arleen M. Kaptur 2003 January
Arleen Kaptur may be contacted at http://www.arleenssite.com
akaptur@centurytel.net. Author of books and articles on living
a simple, rustic lifestyle - and getting the most from each and
every day. Websites: http://www.arleenssite.com
Valentine's
That Are Sure to Impress
by Michael Webb
If you are going to celebrate Valentine's
Day, I suggest you do it with a little forethought. I cringe
every time I go to the grocery on February 13 or 14 and see dozens
of men crowding around the greeting cards to buy one at the last
possible moment.
Buy your card now and mail it out to Loveland,
Colorado for extra special treatment. Your card will be postmarked
LOVEland, Colorado and it will also be hand-stamped with a unique
four line poem.
The Loveland Chamber of Commerce organizes
this yearly romance project with cards going to all 50 states
and over 100 foreign countries annually.
It's simple. Just enclose your pre-addressed,
pre-stamped Valentine's card in a larger envelope and mail to:
Postmaster, Attn: Valentines, Loveland CO 80537.
Go ahead. Do it now.
Here are some more ''romantic'' cities.
Kissimmee, Florida 32741
Valentine, Texas 79854 (more details in the Romantic Resources
section at the back of the book)
Valentine, Nebraska 69201
Loving, New Mexico 88256
Bridal Veil, Oregon 97010
Romance, Arkansas 72136
Michael Webb may be contacted at http://www.TheRomantic.com
romantc@aol.com. Michael Webb is widely regarded as the nation's
top romantic ideas expert. He is the best-selling author of The
RoMANtic's Guide: Hundreds of Creative Tips for a Lifetime of
Love, writes The RoMANtic Syndicated Column and The RoMANtic
Tip of the Week e-zine. Michael makes hundreds of TV and radio
appearances yearly promoting romance from the heart.
Michael Webb is author of The RoMANtic's Guide:
Hundreds of Creative Tips for a Lifetime of Love. You can order
at Amazon.com or for more of Michael's FREE tips, visit www.TheRomantic.com
The
Only Valentine's List You'll Ever Need
by Susan Dunn
1. List of romantic songs … if “I
Can’t Help Falling in Love with You” by the King won’t
do.
2. List of romantic movies to rent - “Casablanca,”
“Princess Bride,” “Ghost” …
3. The heart-shaped griddle or frying pan
ring for your Valentine’s pancakes and fried eggs, just
$5.49. Add a few drops of red food coloring to the pancake dough.
4. “Love Ya” Little Guys Lunch:
heart-shaped sandwich in the lunch box, strawberry jam and cream
cheese. Put “Love Potion” in the thermos – Hawaiian
punch, but tape on a new label! Pop in some Hershey’s kisses
and candy hearts for dessert.
5. Family Valentine dinner – put that
meatloaf in a heart-shaped pan. (Stainless steel heart-shaped
baking form.) When its done, frost it with mashed potatoes and
put some Xs and Os on it with squeeze-bottle catsup. Alternate
version: Slice potatoes thin and parboil. Mix with raw hamburger
and tomato soup and put in individual heart-shaped ramekins.
When cooked, pipe mashed potatoes around edge and sprinkle with
cayenne or paprika.
6. Serve a “red” dinner for the
kids – heart-shaped pasta with tomato sauce, make pizzas
shaped like hearts, red kool aid, cinnamon hearts in hot cocoa
and of course red jello hearts!
7. How to set the mood for your Valentine’s
dinner for two.
8. Two fabulously romantic menus with recipes.
9. How about the “Arise My Love”
cocktail? Or a dry martini shaken to waltz time? Go here.
10. Food alleged to be aphrodisiacs?
11. How to make a simple Origami heart to
place on someone’s pillow.
12. Slip an origami note-pocket heart in your
honey’s lunch box or suit pocket.
13. How to make the “goblet fan fold”
napkin for your table – yes, it’s the one you want
to use!
14. Valentine’s neck ties, socks and
braces for the guys.
15. And don’t forget the bright red cummerbund
and bowtie.
16. Need some finery for your furry friend
– rabbit, small dog, cat, or ferret. Scarves, ties, vests,
bows and boas!.
17. “How do I love thee? Let me count
the ways…” and other great Romantic poetry.
18. Want to have an emotionally intelligent
Valentine’s Day? Take The EQ Course.
19. On the other hand, would you rather rant
and rave and carry on? Zinos.com would love to hear from you,
and probably a lot of other people would too! And ivillage has
just the quiz for you to let it all hang out.
20. Not in a partnership this year and looking
for great ideas for celebrating Valentine’s Day?
Susan Dunn may be contacted at http://www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc.
Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, cEQc, The EQ Coach™
. Coaching resources, tools and support for your personal and
professional development. EQ Alive! - EQ Coach training and certification.
Susan is the author of numerous ebooks, including "How to
Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence," "Depression,"
and "EQ's Answer to Addiction: the 14th Step." She
is widely published on the Internet, a syndicated columnist for
WebProNews and Family-Content, and a regular speaker for cruise
lines. She offers home study programs through her distance learning
school.
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The Best Gifts
by Arleen Kaptur
Malls are everywhere-in every town, city,
village and nook. They house thousands of storefronts and assorted
units. The products they stock are numerous and the array is
mind-boggling. There are items for the home, clothing, jewelry,
plants, furniture, and gift assortments to pick and choose from.
All these offerings lack one very special component - a personal
touch. There is absolutely nothing wrong with purchasing a ready-made
item - we are not all carpenters, gardeners, and artists. All
people are not gifted with the same talents and abilities. We
are unique, and what we produce or create is a shadow of ourselves.
But mass-produced items are nameless, and machines will never
add that very "special" touch that makes a gift item
or home decor piece something that reflects the person who bought
it, the person it is intended for, or the lifestyle it is to
be a part of.
The key to all this - the best option, of
course, is to make an item for someone else yourself. If you
sew, quilt, write, or draw you have the potential of dispersing
treasures that are not duplicated, but are a memory in the making.
With time restraints and family and joy commitments, many times
making "things" yourself is out of the question, or
basically impractical. So what does a person do then - simple,
add a "touch" to whatever you buy whether for yourself
or someone else. Look at your purchase as a base, a canvas that
is incomplete, and needs a little "help" in becoming
a beautiful gift or addition to your home. Just adding a ribbon,
an ornamental "pick" that matches the Holiday Season
or a touch of nature, such as a dried flower or leaf arrangement
will allow your purchase to cross over to "special."
There is a coldness to just buying something,
wrapping it up and handing it to someone. Take the time, just
a moment or two, and write a short verse, a favorite saying,
sign a book with a date and the occasion, etc. A simple, affectionate
"touch" that will add so much value to whatever it
is you are giving or placing in your home. A quick tuck here
or there, a touch of glitter, or sparkle, and you have a "work
of art", a symbol of friendship, or a token to hold near
to the heart.
You are blessed with imagination and creativity.
It is your own special style - it is an outward gesture of who
you are and what you want to convey. Use this precious endowment
- otherwise, even imagination will tarnish and lose its shine.
It is, however, very easy to bring it back, to instill new life
in creativity, and to put your personal "stamp" on
everything that crosses your path. Holidays are especially great
times to start a journey back to taking a "cookie cutter"
environment and placing feeling, friendship, and love in all
you do for yourself, family, friends, neighbors, co-workers,
etc.
This Holiday Season give a little of yourself
in gift items, decorating selections, and simple touches that
show that you cared enough to take the time to personalize, or
add "love" to everything. Even mealtimes are potential
moments to show how blessed you are to have a family member,
a friend, or someone you care about. A simple garnish or a colorful
napkin and it is no longer a "time to eat" - it is
a moment to share food, fun, and laughter. ENJOY!
©Arleen M. Kaptur 2002 October
Arleen Kaptur may be contacted at http://www.arleenssite.com
akaptur@centurytel.net. Click here to view more of their articles.
Author of books and articles on living a simple, rustic lifestyle
- and getting the most from each and every day. Websites: http://www.arleenssite.com
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Valentine's
Day is Coming The Pressure is On
Are You Ready?
by Susan Dunn
It’s heating up … lingerie, perfume
and flower ads are flooding your email. The radio pumps out dining
specials at various restaurants.
In San Antonio, where I live, it shares airtime
with the rodeo, and my thoughts wander … I’ll take
my lover to the rodeo and kill two birds with one stone! Goodness,
I think, do you “kill two birds with one stone” for
a love holiday? And the rodeo isn’t very romantic. This
is becoming a bit of a chore. Anyway, why am I thinking of this?
It’s the man’s job, isn’t it?
I want to send my daughter-in-law flowers
… red roses? No, that’s romantic. Can’t send her
perfume ; my son is allergic to perfume. What will it be? Yellow
roses? That always seems like too strong a “not” message.
I think of the time a man I was dating sent me yellow roses.
I read “These are NOT red roses. GET IT. He does NOT love
you.”
I feel sorry for men at this time, because
the pressure is on.
In my ezine, I’m doing a series about
love. One of my clients says, “Valentine’s Day is really
big for you, isn’t it?” Well, yes, how could it not
be? It’s everywhere and it’s pulling emotions around
as it goes.
I receive an email from a client in response
to an article I’ve written. “Thanks,” she says.
“Do you have any idea what its like to walk into an office
and be the only one who hasn’t gotten flowers?” (Yes
I do, that’s why I wrote the article.)
Valentine’s Day can be very emotional,
and a good time to practice our emotional intelligence skills.
MANAGEMENT
The goal in emotional intelligence is management
of emotions, experiencing them and putting them to good use,
not controlling them. Remember that 2 of our 3 brains “don’t
take orders,” which means you’ll have feelings –
some you like, some you don’t; some you want, some you don’t
want. Remember, they’re “just” feelings and let
them float around and go their way. Choose carefully which ones
you act on, and remember they need to be experienced, but not
necessarily expressed. If expressed, be appropriate. Need to
brush up on your EQ skills? The EQ Course©, on the Internet,
is very helpful.
RESILIENCE
Resilience means how you bounce back after
setbacks and disappointments, and there may be some for you this
Valentine’s Day. Maybe you’re un-partnered on a day
when all the world seems to be matched-up. Maybe your lover unwraps
your gift and his or her face falls instead of lighting up. Maybe
things are not the way you would prefer they be. Draw on past
experiences—that’s how we gain resilience. Good or
bad, it will pass!
INTENTIONALITY
Intentionality means saying what you mean
and meaning what you say, and staying focused long enough to
make it happen.
Ask yourself as The Day approaches how you
intend to experience it . Are you going to be in a bad mood because
you don’t have a honey this year? Are you going to refuse
to be pleased by whatever your lover gets you? Are you going
to chastise yourself when you feel jealousy or envy judging them
“petty” emotions and telling yourself you “should
know better”?
Or are you going to plan to enjoy your holiday
for whatever it brings your way? Do you intend to overspend and
feel guilty, or do you plan to establish your budget ahead of
time and stick with it? Do you plan to indulge in impulse buys,
or to plan ahead?
To be miserable or to be happy are two alternatives.
What would an emotionally intelligent person do? He or she would
experience all the emotions as they come and go—pain, joy,
sorrow, delight—and having a Valentine’s Day. Not all
emotions need to be expressed, but they do need to be experienced.
RESERVES
Reserves apply to all areas of life—rest,
health, money, people. And chaos applies to your best-laid plans.
Expect the unexpected, and be surprised if things go right. You
may miss the mark on the gift you choose. You may not get reservations
at the place you’d prefer. You might even forget someone
important, or even break up right before. Approach this holiday
as you do them all—with reserves and resilience.
PERFECTIONISM
Perfectionism is a prescription for misery
because we can’t be pleased with ourselves or others. Remind
yourself that your Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to
be perfect, just “good enough.”
If you can’t find fresh raspberries for
the special flambé, well move on to something else. Get
some canned cherries and make Cherries Jubilee!
RELENTLESSLY & ADAMANTLY SELF-FORGIVING
One thing that is hard for perfectionists,
and probably for all of us, is that sense of personal failure.
If you’d shopped sooner maybe you’d have had time to
drive all over town and find some fresh raspberries. But what
would your emotional intelligence coach tell you? To be self-forgiving.
FLEXIBILITY & CREATIVITY
The hour has approached, you’re ready
to set the table and the red tablecloth is nowhere to be found.
It’s time to improvise. Make a flash run to the grocery
for some pretty paper goods, or use no tablecloth at all. Turn
down the lights, light the candles, and who will really notice?
It’s the people, not the tablecloth, that make the event.
STAYING CENTERED
Valentine's doesn't carry the load of Christmas,
for instance, but it's a busy time - things to do, things to
feel. Remember to stay in the present.
Breathe.
Use present-tense affirmations. Be joyful
for its own sake: "I choose to enjoy this holiday, whatever
it brings."
Gently remind yourself to return to the present.
Check in on your feelings. See, hear, feel,
smell, taste, touch.
Keep Valentine's Day in perspective.
Talk it out with your coach to clear your
brain. Everyone else will have their own issues.
Most importantly, love yourself on this Valentine's
Day.
Susan Dunn may be contacted at http://www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc. Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, cEQc,
The EQ Coach™ . Coaching resources, tools and support for
your personal and professional development. EQ Alive! - EQ Coach
training and certification. Susan is the author of numerous ebooks,
including "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence,"
"Depression," and "EQ's Answer to Addiction: the
14th Step." She is widely published on the Internet, a syndicated
columnist for WebProNews and Family-Content, and a regular speaker
for cruise lines. She offers home study programs through her
distance learning school.
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Candlelight Romance
by Kimberly Lainson
For an evening, make the world revolve only
around a candlelit table for two. This special dinner is an intimate
easy celebration for whirlwind lives -- this menu has elegance
that treats your loved one well, and its ease of preparation
will suit you well, too.
Menu
Tossed Green Salad
Garlic Toast
Poached Salmon with Four Cheese Sauce
Rich Chocolate Mocha Mousse with Chocolate Zigzags
Garlic Toast
A quick and tasty recipe: Combine 2 tablespoons softened butter,
1 tablespoon shredded Parmesan cheese and 1 finely chopped clove
garlic in a small bowl. Spread onto six French baguette slices.
Broil for about 1 minute or until golden brown.
Poached Salmon with Four Cheese Sauce
(photo at http://www.thepartyworks.com/holiday/valentines/candlelight-romance.htm)
Simple yet elegant, poached salmon is a dish
which may be repared for any sophisticated occasion. Try poaching
twice the amount of fish and serving it the next day over mixed
lettuce for a cold salmon salad.
Ingredients:
1 package (9 ounces) refrigerated Contadina
Linguine, cooked, drained and kept warm
1 cup (10-ounce container) refrigerated Contadina Four Cheese
Sauce, warmed
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup dry white wine or chicken broth
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
2 (6 ounces each) salmon fillets or steaks
2 tablespoons finely grated carrot (optional)
1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley (optional)
Dill weed sprigs (optional)
Directions:
Combine water, wine, salt and pepper in large
skillet. Bring to a boil; add salmon. Reduce heat to low; cook,
covered, for 8 to 10 minutes or until thickest part of salmon
flakes easily when tested with fork.
Toss pasta with carrot and parsley; divide
onto plates. Top with salmon. Spoon sauce over each serving;
garnish with dill weed.
Makes 2 servings.
Rich Chocolate Mocha Mousse with Chocolate ZigZags
(photo at http://www.thepartyworks.com/holiday/valentines/candlelight-romance.htm)
Unlike ordinary mousse, this dessert is especially rich and dense
-- the ultimate for chocolate lovers. Serve topped with whipped
cream and piped chocolate ZigZags. You'll detect a hint of coffee
in the rich, creamy, so-easy-to-make mousse.
Ingredients
1 cup (6 ounces) NESTLÉ® TOLL HOUSE® Semi-Sweet
Chocolate Morsels
3 tablespoons butter, cut into pieces (we recommend LAND O LAKES®
Butter)
2 teaspoons TASTER’S CHOICE 100% Pure Instant Coffee
1 tablespoon hot water
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
Directions: MICROWAVE morsels and butter in
medium, microwave-safe bowl on HIGH (100%) power for 1 minute;
stir. Microwave at additional 10- to 20-second intervals, stirring
until smooth. Dissolve coffee granules in hot water; stir into
chocolate. Stir in vanilla extract; cool to room temperature.
WHIP cream in small mixer bowl on high speed until stiff peaks
form; fold into chocolate mixture. Spoon into tall glasses; chill
for 1 hour or until set. Garnish as desired.
Directions for the ZigZags:
Place approximately 1/4 cup Nestle' Toll House Semi-Sweet Chocolate
Morsels in heavy-duty plastic bag. Microwave on HIGH (100%) power
for about 30 seconds; knead until smooth. Cut tiny corner from
bag; squeeze a zigzag design onto waxed paper. Chill until firm.
Use as garnish.
Makes 2 servings
Compliments of Nestle's www.VeryBestBaking.com
For photos and this article - visit http://www.thepartyworks.com/holiday/valentines/candlelight-romance.htm
Kimberly Lainson may be contacted at http://www.thepartyworks.com
MaryAnn-n-Kimberly@thepartyworks.com. Mary Ann & Kimberly,
a mother and daughter team have created their sites http://www.thepartyworks.com
and http://www.cakeworkscentral.com to provide a treasure trove
of free kids birthday parties, baby showers and cake decorating
ideas. They are here to help and will become your celebration
destination! http://www.thepartyworks.com and Enhancing Everyday
Celebrations... http://www.cakeworkscentral.com. Their dream
is to help parents and grandparents create lasting celebration
memories and not be afraid to have 10 children running around
in their living room. They have expanded these ideas to also
help people have great baby and bridal showers, holiday parties
too! Lots of FREE ideas, games, party plans and help if you need
it.
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MINUTE VALENTINE'S DAY GIFTS