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March of Dimes Works Toward National Response to Infant Health Crisis
WHITE PLAINS, N.Y., Dec. 5 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- The preterm birth rate rose again in 2005 and preliminary data for 2006 show a continued increase, underscoring the urgent need for a sustained, comprehensive plan to address this growing crisis.
"The more we learn about the terrible consequences of an early birth, the more determined the March of Dimes is to understand what causes preterm birth and how it can be prevented," said Dr. Jennifer L. Howse, president of the March of Dimes. "That's why we are supporting a U.S. Surgeon General's conference for 2008 to bring together experts and develop a national agenda to prevent preterm labor and delivery."
Today, the National Center for Health Statistics released final birth data for 2005 showing that the preterm birth rate, the percentage of babies born at less than 37 weeks gestation, is continuing its relentless rise, with more than 525,000 babies, or 12.7 percent, born prematurely. That's up from 12.5 percent in 2004 and the 2006 preliminary report indicates that the preterm birth rate will continue its upward trend and reach 12.8 percent, about 543,000 babies.
The preterm birth rate has increased more than 20 percent since 1990. The data can be found at www.cdc.gov/nchs.
Prematurity is the leading cause of death in the first month of life, and even late preterm infants have a greater risk of respiratory distress syndrome (RDS), feeding difficulties, temperature instability (hypothermia), jaundice and delayed brain development.
In 2005, preterm birth cost the nation more than $26.2 billion in medical and educational costs and lost productivity. Average first year medical costs were about 10 times greater for preterm than for term infants.
The March of Dimes is a national voluntary health agency whose mission is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality. For detailed national, state and local perinatal statistics, visit PeriStats at www.marchofdimes.com/peristats. Founded in 1938, the March of Dimes funds programs of research, community services, education, and advocacy. For more information, visit the March of Dimes Web site at marchofdimes.com or its Spanish language Web site at nacersano.org.
Source: March of Dimes
Web Site: http://www.marchofdimes.com/
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WASHINGTON, Sept. 20 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- The proportion of custodial parents who received government assistance dropped 10 percentage points between 1993 and 2005, the U.S. Census Bureau reported.
According to Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2005, program participation declined from 41 percent in 1993 to 31 percent in 2005, after reaching a low of 28 percent in 2001. The percentage of custodial parents receiving Aid to Families with Dependent Children or Temporary Assistance to Needy Families fell from 22 percent to 6 percent during the 12- year period.
About 54 percent of custodial parents worked full time and year-round in 2005, up from 46 percent in 1993.
Other highlights:
-- The proportion of custodial parents who received the full amount of
owed child support increased from 37 percent in 1993 to 47 percent in
2005.
-- Child support collections totaled $25 billion. The average amount of
child support received in 2005 ($3,600) was 64 percent of the average
amount due ($5,600).
-- The proportion of custodial parents and their children living in
poverty declined from 33 percent in 1993 to 23 percent in 2001.
-- In 45 percent of child support agreements that specified who was to
provide health care coverage, the absent parent provided health
insurance. Overall, approximately 3.3 million noncustodial parents
provided some type of health insurance for their children.
-- In the spring of 2006, an estimated 13.6 million parents had custody of
21.2 million children younger than 21 while the other parent lived
elsewhere. The number of custodial parents has remained statistically
unchanged since 1994.
-- The age of custodial mothers has increased. In 2006, 38 percent of
custodial mothers were 40 or older, compared with 25 percent in 1994.
Most estimates in this report are from the 1994 through 2006 April biennial supplements to the Current Population Survey, cosponsored by the Census Bureau and the Department of Health and Human Services' Office of Child Support Enforcement. Statistics from sample surveys are subject to sampling and nonsampling error.
For more information on the source of the data and accuracy of the estimates, including standard errors and confidence intervals, go to http://www.census.gov/hhes/www/childsupport/source05.pdf.
Source: U.S. Census Bureau
Web site: http://www.census.gov/
by Nicky Vanvalkenburgh
Have you seen Roald Dahl’s “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?” Watching the movie recently caused me to think about boundaries, and how children desperately need them.
To recap the movie, Willy Wonka is a famous candy maker who opens his doors to the five lucky children who have found his Golden Tickets inside chocolate bars. When Charlie and the other children go inside the secluded factory, they see many amazing things. However, one by one, the children's bad behavior and personality flaws (caused by a lack of boundaries) gets them into trouble.
A boundary is nothing more than a limit. Boundaries force children to develop self-control, abide by rules, and conduct themselves in an orderly way. We tell our children not to touch the hot stovetop or electrical outlets. These are safety rules. We should also confront our children when they’re being rude, disrespectful, selfish, or angry—before things get out of hand. When there are no boundaries, children do whatever they want, whenever they please. It is a downward spiral, as “Charlie in the Chocolate Factory” shows.
In the movie, the children with winning tickets (except Charlie) were raised by permissive parents who didn’t have the heart to set boundaries. Veruca gets whatever she wants by yelling. Mike is addicted to TV, and his parents don’t have the guts to turn it off. Augustus is addicted to food, and has a double chin to prove it. Rounding up the bunch is Violet, who is cut-throat competitive about everything from karate-kicking to gum smacking,. Yes it’s fictional, but “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” a telling tale about the consequences of not setting boundaries for children
As a parent, it isn’t easy being the disciplinarian. It’s no fun constantly reprimanding our children. Yet this is exactly what is needed for our children to develop emotional hygiene. As a parent, you are in a position of authority. Take authority over your child’s temper tantrums, refusal to cooperate, eating too much junk food, and other misbehavior. Clearly explain what is appropriate and what isn’t. Set boundaries and enforce them.
Ultimately, boundaries make children feel safe. From a child’s perspective, life is unpredictable and sometimes overwhelming. When we set limits, children understand what is expected of them socially, emotionally and physically. When children are conditioned to behave properly, this behavior eventually becomes automatic and natural. In the long run, your discipline will pay off. Your children will learn what is expected of them and act accordingly. The best time to start setting boundaries is when children are at least two, three or four years old. Your boundaries should include simple instructions about safety (such as “look both ways before you cross the street”) and guidelines for proper behavior. As toddlers, children can be taught to control their temper, not to throw things, to share their toys, take turns, and so forth.
All children yearn to feel safe. They want to know what’s expected of them. When we set boundaries, we enable our children to be happy, emotionally stable and well adjusted.
Like Charlie in the movie, our children will have the best possible start in life when we set boundaries and enforce them.
Nicky VanValkenburgh hosts a stress reduction website at http://www.20minutestolessstress.com/ Nicky Vanvalkenburgh may be contacted at http://www.20minutestolessstress.com/ or nicky@20minutestolessstress.com
by Dr. Charles Sophy
It’s the first day of the summer holiday. Five year-old Stephanie is shopping with you at Wal-Mart and picks out three stuffed animals that she saw in the movie Madagascar. “Oh Mom please! I want to bring Alex and Gloria and Melman to Kinder Gym with me!” she says and stomps off in disgust when you tell her she has to choose only one.
Your eight-year old, Alex, comes home from Summer Day Camp. “I need an iPod!” he declares, “Thomas has one and it’s sweet!” Your first thought is, “What’s an iPod?” Once Alex fills you in on the latest must-have gadget, you’re floored by the ticket price and wonder why he needs one when he already has a walkman.
To top it off, your ten-year old, Tabitha, woke up this morning with a singular mission; to have pierced ears with diamond studs like her new best-friend Sarah by the end of the day, when last week she thought body piercings of any kind were gross. She has spent the entire day begging you to bring her to the Salon to get them pierced, ate her dinner in silence and retreated to her room to call Sarah and complain about how unfair her parents are.
by Morgan Hamilton
In this day and age, a lot of stress comes with being a parent of a young child. For example, you need to find someone to baby sit your child when you spend the night out of the house. The task of finding someone to take care of your baby while you’re out used to be something that you don’t have to worry about. Unfortunately, things have changed because of many tragic events.
My parents didn't worry about finding babysitters when I was a child because they can just call someone up. These days, I would not even consider babysitters that are not familiar to me. I ask my parents or my best friend to watch over my child because I have not trusted any body else. Of course, I have a private daycare that I carefully chose and checked out. It is important to know where your child is and who is around her or him at all times in this unsafe world.
In recent years, there have been so many sad and horrible stories of babysitters abusing children both sexually and physically. In fact, five children have died at their hands in my community in the past two years. They were boyfriends of the child's mother in most of these cases. The fifth death involved a hired babysitter who finally got fed up with the cries of an infant and smothered her.
Most of the trusted boyfriends acted out of anger at the child's cries or tantrums. However, an eight old month baby was sexually abused by one of the babysitters. He hurt her so badly that he punctured many of her organs. As a result, she died the following morning.
It is obviously not easy to find someone to watch over your child these days. As mentioned earlier, a single mother cannot even trust her boyfriend to look after and protect her child. The trusted babysitters failed to protect the children and a few even took the life of a child.
You should take the extra time to do research if you are looking for babysitters that are not familiar to you. You need to get their references and call them instead of just looking at the list of names. Don’t forget to ask detailed questions from both the babysitters and references. It is also important to find out how they handle certain situations. You have to find out all that you can about them because they may be spending more time with your children than you will be.
Morgan Hamilton offers expert advice and great tips regarding all aspects concerning Babysitters. Visit our site for more helpful information about Naughty Babysitters and other similar topics. Morgan Hamilton may be contacted at http://www.find-cards-now.com
by Jean Tracy, MSS
Effective parenting - building character in kids takes vision.
When 6-year-old Johnny asked his mom, "Can little kids cook?" She answered, "Certainly, with supervision." Johnny thought for a moment and said, "I want to cook. Do I need glasses?" Today you'll see that building character in children doesn't require glasses but it does require "super vision."
Effective Parenting - 3 styles of "super vision" all parents need for building character:
Vision that sees with your mind as well as your eyes
Sammy's sassing, Hannah's hitting, and Billy's blaming are difficult to take when juggling work and family life. Yet they need to be viewed as disrespect and handled with firmness.
Vision that understands your role as parent
When little Hector yells, "I hate you," it's disturbing but only if you let it. Avoid taking his rants and his raves personally. Deal with Hector's disrespect firmly.
Vision that grasps the long term results of your present actions
Yelling at Lulu for not doing her chores and then doing them for her teaches Lulu to be lazy and disrespect your rules. Insist with firmness that she do them. This is vital to her future well-being and your self-respect as a parent.
Effective parenting - what every parent needs to remember:
You aren't born knowing how to build character in your children. You can learn. Educator Marilyn Wiltz advises, "Remember you are the parent." As the parent you are the leader, the guide, and the counselor for your children. It is important to establish a strong calm inner sense that you are the parent and you are in control. Your children will feel your inner strength if you feel it too.
Effective parenting - the biggest mistake parents must overcome:
Failing to draw the line and be the parent is the biggest mistake. When you argue, negotiate, and plead with Betty to stop her tantrum, you put Betty in charge. When you discipline Alex and then apologize, you put Alex in charge. When you tell Terry you're not going to buy the toy and then buy it for him anyway, you put Terry in charge. When you don't draw the line, you put your child in charge. When you draw the line, you put yourself in charge. You are the parent.
Effective parenting - self-talk for parents who deal with disrespectful kids:
When your Sally is screaming at the top of her lungs, stop saying, "This behavior is my fault. I'm not a good parent." Start saying, "This is Sally's problem. How can I help her?"
Effective parenting takes firm "super vision," remembering you are the parent, and drawing the line. When your kids are disrespectful, stop the yelling, stop the arguing, and get your kids to be accountable for their own behavior. You'll be teaching respect and building character too.
Jean Tracy, MSS, "Granny Jean" publishes a Free Parenting Newsletter. Subscribe at her web site http://www.KidsDiscuss.com and receive 80 fun activities to share with your kids.
Treat yourself to Granny Jean's Parenting Skills Kit, the 21 Day Calendar to boost your parenting skills at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com
Jean Tracy, MSS, Northwest author and speaker, is a former teacher, probation officer, and child/family counselor. Jean Tracy, MSS may be contacted at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com
by Dr. Charles Sophy
It’s the first day of the summer holiday. Five year-old Stephanie is shopping with you at Wal-Mart and picks out three stuffed animals that she saw in the movie Madagascar. “Oh Mom please! I want to bring Alex and Gloria and Melman to Kinder Gym with me!” she says and stomps off in disgust when you tell her she has to choose only one.
Your eight-year old, Alex, comes home from Summer Day Camp. “I need an iPod!” he declares, “Thomas has one and it’s sweet!” Your first thought is, “What’s an iPod?” Once Alex fills you in on the latest must-have gadget, you’re floored by the ticket price and wonder why he needs one when he already has a walkman.
To top it off, your ten-year old, Tabitha, woke up this morning with a singular mission; to have pierced ears with diamond studs like her new best-friend Sarah by the end of the day, when last week she thought body piercings of any kind were gross. She has spent the entire day begging you to bring her to the Salon to get them pierced, ate her dinner in silence and retreated to her room to call Sarah and complain about how unfair her parents are.
You finish the day exhausted by the challenges of managing “gimme” requests from your children. Sitting down with your partner after the kids have been put to bed, you share your concerns about the day’s events. You’re both left wondering how your children became so materialistic, and worried that they are becoming followers rather than children who are secure in themselves and their values. A change is needed! But where to begin?
During the grade-school years, children grow more interested in the material world than they were back in kindergarten. Motivated by a combination of an increasing awareness of what other kids have and the desire to fit in by having the same things themselves, their acquisitiveness begins to become more apparent.
A child’s age-appropriate progression from self-awareness to awareness of others is compounded by the society in which we live. We live in an age of affluence, at times one obsessed with status and possession. Evidenced by TV and other forms of media. One message is coming through loud and clear: You are what you buy and what you own. There’s no doubt that it has become increasingly difficult to raise children in this world of materialism, distraction and temptation.
You can help keep your child’s materialism in check by following these simple steps:
1) Back to Basics: Try to bring your parenting back to a basic level. No need to respond to the distractions that at times seem out of range on many levels and maybe out of your comfort zone.
2) Self-Awareness: Working along with your parenting partner, ensure agreed-upon family values, as well as the structures that support your beliefs.
3) Explore: Remember that the need your child may have for all these newest gadgets possibly camouflages a deeper problem.
4) Communicate: Discuss with your child the concept of earning, as well as alternative to their request. A less costly option may meet the need.
5) Don't fulfill every request: Children who get everything they ask for don't learn to handle disappointment, and they don't learn to work for the things they desire, or delay the need for gratification.
6) Spend time rather than money on your kids: It's not easy in our hectic lives to give children the time and attention they crave, but that's the best way to ward off the "gimmes."
Remember: No matter what your child says, he/she wants — and needs — a secure sense of family more than a roomful of possessions. There may be times when it’s appropriate to fulfill a request and times when it’s best to say no. You know your child best: listen, learn, teach and communicate in a respectful manner and do your best to focus your children on the lessons of giving as well as receiving.
Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those in attendance. Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the “Keep ‘Em Off My Couch” blog, provides real simple answers for solving life’s biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com. Dr. Charles Sophy may be contacted at http://drsophy.com or dr_charles_sophy@yahoo.com
by Dr. Charles Sophy
"Just turn the lights off and go to sleep"
Do you find yourself saying this to your child? Well, you’re not alone!! Sleep problems are some of the most common problems parents face with their children. Some parents struggle with getting their child to sleep through the night. New parents worry about how to help their child learn good sleep habits that last a lifetime. And still others wonder if their child’s sleep difficulties are chronic and are concerned that their child may be going through their days sleep-deprived.
Studies reveal that a significant number of children have some form of a sleep disturbance. Sleep disturbances among children and adolescents are common. Prolonged changes in sleep patterns, if left untreated, can result in significant emotional, behavioral, and cognitive impairment and can put your child at risk for poor school performance, accidents, and social or medical problems. The key is to identify changes in sleep, and to know when to seek assistance.
Sleep disturbance can take several forms including: • difficulty falling asleep • trouble staying asleep • frequently awakening
There also are other variations of sleep issues known as parasomnias, e.g., night terrors or sleepwalking.
To alleviate your child's sleep disturbance, try these simple steps:
• Keep bedtime at the same time each night: This helps your child establish a structure and enforces a predictable routine. • Monitor unnecessary environmental stimuli: Minimize the light and noise in the child’s bedroom (music, lights) • Encourage pre-bedtime relaxation: Children respond well to activities that allow them to wind down such as a warm bath, massage or aromatherapy • Share some activity: Dedicate time to reading a bedtime story or talking about your child’s day and encouraging meditation and reflection • Plan the transition: Ease the child into new processes by discussing changes and comforting their transition into healthy sleep habits
Sleep in its natural form is the only way our bodies can re-charge. Beyond resting, sleep serves many functions including memory preservation. If your child is not receiving the quality and quantity of sleep that is required (typically 8-12 hours each night is optimal), the toll can be enormous. Performance in school, interacting with others and activities of daily living may diminish in quality. The origins of a sleep disturbance may range from anxiety tied to emotional conflicts, such as fear of an upcoming test or excitement over a speaking part in the school play, to medical issues such as apnea. It is important that the underlying issue be addressed, no matter the source, to resolve the sleep disturbance and give your child their best shot at life.
Remember always to take into account where your child is in their developmental stage, because some sleep issues are age-appropriate. If you have exhausted the suggestions listed above, then possibly the need for professional intervention is warranted. You are the expert when it comes to your child and their sleep patterns. If you have a concern, trust your instinct and seek professional advice.
Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those in attendance. Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the “Keep ‘Em Off My Couch” blog, provides real simple answers for solving life’s biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com. Dr. Charles Sophy may be contacted at http://drsophy.com or dr_charles_sophy@yahoo.com
by Mahree Thompson
As a parent, any information I can use to help me in my day is invaluable.
Here are 10 parenting tips I have found to work
1. OPENLY SHOW YOUR LOVE TO YOUR CHILDREN. Shower out genuine hugs and kisses, reassure your children of the love you have for them. How good do you feel when it's said to you!
2. SET THE EXAMPLE. The age old technique of teaching your children by what you do.
And you know it's always good to remember that children have built in "hypocrite sensors".
3. BE READY TO COMMEND. How good do you feel when someone praises you? Look for opportunities to commend your kids and they will want to have more of the same.
4. TEACH WORK ETHIC. Get the children working with you. And not only the chores, can they help with any other work you do? Explain why you work and what you do, it teaches them responsibility and sets a good platform for later life. It may take longer to so some tasks but you will be repaid in the later years.
5. KNOW YOUR CHILDREN. Each of your children will have a distinct personality and learning style. Finding out about these helps in their schooling life and helps you realise why they react certain ways to things.
6. ADMIT YOUR MISTAKES If you learn to admit your mistakes it shows your children that being perfect is not a requirement to being loved and wanted. Hearing you admit mistakes or say "sorry" says to a child "It's OK if I made a mistake - Mom does and she keeps trying - so will I".
7. BE CONSISTANT with RULES Having clear boundaries and then sticking to them. It is confusing for children when they can't work out when the rules apply or not.
8. DEVELOP FLEXIBILITY in ROUTINE No, this is not a contradiction of the "BE CONSISTANT" tip. You wouldn't be flexible with a rule like "Do not hit your sister"! But if you are to rigid with your everyday routine you will stress yourself out, and really, life is for enjoying!
9. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF You need to recharge your own batteries. Choose something that gives you a boost and make time for it. No Excuses!
10. END EVERYDAY POSITIVELY You can actually set the stage for the next day. Build anticipation for the great time they will have tommorrow and then wrap them in warmth and tender affection.
I know these 10 parenting tips seem simple, and if you pratice them to your best ability you'll see the great results!
Mahree Thompson (www.momisme.com) is an "at home - working mom". Before children she enjoyed the full time corporate world. Now she relishes the "balancing act" she has in being a 'Mom' who not only homeschools her 3 young children; supports her husband in his career, but runs a successful internet business. She believes firmly that for a "mom" to best care for her family - she must care for herself, and be balanced. Mahree Thompson may be contacted at http://momisme.com
It’s so clear when you’re sitting on the outside watching. There I was at the kitchen table in my friend’s house chatting with her while she fixed dinner. Her son Billy ran in and tried to grab some chocolate out of the bowl on the counter, knowing it’s against the rules. Catherine grabbed the candy out of his hand and reminded him of the rule. Billy turned around, picked up the garbage can and hurled it across the kitchen. I watched an empty can of tomato sauce hit Catherine on the side of the head, and proceed to dribble the remainder of its contents down the front of her white blouse, while I felt something land on my foot I hoped was coffee grinds.
What should Billy’s mother, Catherine, do at this point?
A. Stop and think before she takes any action.
B. Count to ten, breathing deeply, and soothe herself.
C. Calm herself down before she says or does anything.
D. Manage the anger coming from her reptilian (primitive) brain, and access her limbic (parental and caring) brain and neocortex (thinking brain) to deal with the situation.
E. Stop and understand the reason for Billy’s behavior
F. Respond, don’t react
G. Spank him right away and make him clean up the mess
H. Make him apologize
I. All of these
J. A-F only
Your answer: _____
Sitting here reading this, it’s kind of obvious that A-F are emotionally intelligent things to do, but when you’re in the situation yourself, that reptilian brain can “flood” you with emotions that cloud your reasoning.
The emotionally intelligent thing to do is be prepared for such occasions because when tempers flare, reason goes out the window. With another adult, you may something you later regret, but with a child it’s far worse – you’ll be modeling acceptable behavior.
Decide your disciplining methods beforehand – time out, for instance – so when the occasion arises, you can be more cool-headed. It’s good to over-learn things like this, so they’ll come to you in times of stress. You have your plan, you know the acceptable options, and you aren’t left to react in a state of what mounts to panic.
One of the saddest things to see, and I don’t see it as much as I used to, thank heavens, is when a child starts having a tantrum and the parent orders her to stop, She escalates, and then the parents says, “Okay, I’ll give you a reason to cry then,” and hits them.
This is a no-win situation all around, modeling exactly the kind of behavior you are trying to discourage.
Another equally defeating method of discipline is to make the child apologize. I work in the field of emotional intelligence, which is all about understanding, about emotional self-awareness. It is not developmentally possible that a 4 year old feels sorry for hitting his little sister. He may regret it when the action brings discipline from you, but that’s a long chain for a child to hang on to, and forced-altruism simply isn’t helpful.
I listen to clients all the time who tell me their parents told them, “No, you don’t hate your sister, you love her,” and “Tell your sister you’re sorry you hit her.” The first instance tells the child he isn’t feeling what he’s feeling. The second instance is forcing your child to lie, and this is not only wrong, but does great harm to your child’s dignity. I don’t recommend this method, but if you must, discipline the child first, then ask them if they’re sorry they did it. But basically this method doesn’t wash with me because it teaches the child not to be authentic.
The lesson to be taught is when you’re angry at your sibling, that’s fine, and justified, but hitting them never is. I will not allow a parent to make their child apologize to me for something. I do let the child see my feelings – that I am hurt and sad to have been hit and that I will not allow it in the future.
If your children are hitting one another excessively, look to how you and your partner treat one another. Mark Brandenburg, Fathering Coach, tells fathers in his eBook “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers", if your children are fighting all the time and not nice to one another, take a good, long look at how you treat your wife.
According to Jane Nelsen, the first thing to do is understand your child’s behavior. She says children misbehave for one or more of the following reasons:
I would also add that they will do this more when they are sick, tired, in pain, hungry, too hot or too cold, or experience some external stressor such as the start of the school year or a new baby.
This you understand and deal with at a different level. If you’ve ever been told by your partner you were “over-reacting,” you know how infuriating it is to be told you’re angry because you’re tired, rather than because you’ve got just cause. What you do is cut the person some slack at the time, and then educate at a time when they’re calm and rested.
At this point in our scenario, it’s easy to see Billy’s mad. That’s a big ‘doh’. We would be too.
At this point, Catherine needs to:
A. Ask Billy to use words to say how he’s feeling
B. Pick up the baby because she’s screaming and needs changing
C. Get the frying pan off the stove before the pork chops burn
D. Remove the onion peel from your skirt
E. Put the broccoli casserole in the oven or it will never get done in time
F. Deal with the fact that she feels inadequate as a parent, and embarrassed that Billy did this while I was there
G. Check and see if her cheek is bleeding, and try and remember if she’s had a tetanus shot in the past ten years
H. Catch the potatoes, they’re now boiling over
I. Get the clothes out of the dryer, the buzzer just went off
J. Caution me not to slip on the bacon grease when I get up
K. Answer the d*** phone
L.Hope her husband walks in the door any minute
M. Pray
No, it isn’t easy, but it can be learned. The more you learn about emotional intelligence and the more you develop your own, practice it and model it in interactions with your partner and children, the higher your Family EQ will be.
Disciplining your child without understanding the behavior is like putting merthiolate and bandages on your leg ulcers if you’re diabetic. If you only treat the symptom and not the cause, you’re going to end up losing the leg.
When the reason for the behavior is not obvious, you can always ask the child why he did it. With older children, this is very effective in preparing to pass the responsibility on to themselves. Developing your EQ means internalizing self-management; doing it because it’s the right thing to do (or the most productive), not because you fear punishment from an authority figure.
I remember asking a beloved young friend of mine why he had been put paper in the fish bowl in Spanish class in 5th grade, and hearing, “I knew I should’ve taken Drama instead. It’s because I’m not getting enough attention.”
If the child is too young to articulate it, or won’t say, ask the child, giving it your best shot. “Were you coloring on the television set because you’re bored?” Remember it is an affront to the child to tell them why the did it, to put words in their mouths. You may “know,” but still ask (and this works for adult miscreants as well). The small friend who comes to visit me has learned to say, “I’m bored. I can’t think of anything to do,” rather than to torment the cat.
And as to having rules that tell your child what’s expected and therefore how to behave if they want the goodies, I recommend it. I work in the multicultural arena, and am reminded every day of how stressful it is, even to adults when they can’t figure out what they’re supposed to do, or why they’re getting the reaction they’re getting when they haven’t a clue.
If rules are in place and abided by, you can all get on to the fun stuff!
For more tips, see “Develop Your Child’s EQ: A Practical How-to Guide.”
Susan Dunn may be contacted at http://www.susandunn.cc sdunn@susandunn.cc. Click here to view more of their articles. Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, GLOBAL EQ. Emotional intelligence coaching to enhance all areas of your life - career, relationships, midlife transition, resilience, self-esteem, parenting. EQ Alive! - excellent, accelerated, affordable EQ coach certification. Susan is the author of numerous ebooks, is widely published on the Internet, and a regular speaker for cruise lines. For marketing services go here.
6-29-05 (Milkwaukee, Wisconsin). Delaney Jessica Buzzell has been dubbed the "Big Enchilada" by her parents. Nearly double the weight of average babies, Delaney was 13 pounds, 12 ounces at birth. She was delivered three weeks early by Caesarean section on June 23. Her siblings were also supersized babies. Cameron, now 4, was born 11 pounds, 8 ounces and Alexis, now 2, weighed 10 pounds, 8 ounces. They were dubbed "Whoppper" and "Whopper Jr." According to the National Center for Health Statistics, less than 1 percent of babies born weigh more than 11 pounds at birth.
[U.S. News | Parenting]
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Every family can use a place in the home to retreat to in an emergency like a home invasion or burglary for example. A safe and secure place like a safe room! If an intruder were to invade your home for example, would you have a place to retreat to and secure yourself into? What about your valuables? Do you have a place in your home to hide your valuables from criminals? They can’t steal what they can’t find! So, how do you hide a safe room from criminals in order to protect your family and valuables? You need a concealed or “hidden” door! How about a “Bookcase Hidden Door” that is a real bookcase and functions as a door! You just push it open and disappear inside! A hidden safe room is a great way to protect your family and valuables and right now there are several hidden doors available through the internet for you to purchase and install yourself! Here are a few uses for a safe room/closet:- Safe closet (lower external slide lock allows entrance by children or adults) - Secure Gun Closet (top lock for adults prevents children from opening closet) -Jewelry Storage closet -Hidden entrance into basement -First floor to second floor hidden stare case -Two bookcase hidden-doors can be installed on either side of the safe closet to allow you to slip from room to room. -Partition walls can be used to create the safe closet or safe room. For example: A false wall can be built across a room and a series of bookcases (sold separately) can be installed with only one bookcase serving as a hidden entrance into the hidden room. In order to find the best deal when searching the internet for such a door, one needs to consider how such a door is built. A bookcase hidden door that holds the weight of real books, could weigh up to 200 pounds! That means that it has to be built like a 200 lb door! A 200 pound door that will not sag with the constant pull of gravity! There are companies on the internet who sell both bookcase hidden doors and the plans to build them yourself correctly. Here are a few of these companies: http://www.Saferooms.com http://www.HiddenDoors.com http://www.EliteCarpentry.com You can find others by searching the internet using: http://www.google.com or http://www.yahoo.com among others with the key words “hidden door” or “bookcase hidden door”. James Thomas may be contacted at http://www.EliteCarpentry.com Info@EliteCarpentry.com. Click here to view more of their articles. Master Carpenter
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